Suddenly I Was A Mother!
All of a sudden I was a MOM!!! It was the biggest shock of my life because nothing in the world could have prepared me for that feeling. Not the baby magazines or the books. Not the hours spent on Google and definitely not the “expert” advice I had got from family and friends.
I was overwhelmed and excited I was emotional and confused but most of all I was in LOVE.
The longest nine months of my life were finally over. The nausea was gone and I was starting to look less and less like a baby elephant. The baby was here, she was beautiful and she was mine. MINE! That stirred up so many different emotions inside me.
I’ve always been gaga for babies but this was different. Before I could always take them to their mothers when they got too fussy. Not this one… People brought her to me. It was my job to figure her out, to take care of her every need and to do everything that needed doing. That scared me senseless… she was mine and that meant she was totally dependent on me for EVERYTHING. Food, warmth, shelter and when she had a cold she would rely on me to help her breathe even. I didn’t think I had it in me to do all this and do it well.
On the other hand it also made me very happy that I had helped bring such preciousness into the world. In my eyes she was perfect (still is and probably always will be) and she was mine. I couldn’t really believe it and had to pinch myself several times a day. All I wanted to do was stare at that little face and hold her close all day every day. I couldn’t think of anything that could make me happier.
Then there was the physical side of things. Now that was just plain nasty. Well except for the brand new Double Ds that is. There was pain and lots of it. I had perineal stitches and they hurt. They made walking, sitting and even going to the loo difficult. I cursed every time I had to sit in that blasted salt water. Sometimes the pain got so bad I had to be carried around the house. And the first few days of breastfeeding weren’t a breeze either. Hurt like hell and every time she cried I would silently pray that it was because she needed to be changed. I told the doctor that it hurt and she just said to ignore the pain and keep at it. The pain would go away on its own. I’m glad she didn’t lie.
The one thing I didn’t mind though was those first few sleepless nights I enjoyed staying up till the wee hours of the morning bonding with my angel. Tingori two, no one else. During the day we had so many visitors I hardly had her to myself. Plus her dad was a class 1 baby hog so as long as he was around I never got a chance to hold her.
Overall my first week as a mom was awesome. I have never felt so many emotions or so much pain … but well it was worth it.
Mai Ndaka is a Zimbabwean blogger.