Things to do During the Football Off-Season

Suffering withdrawal symptoms and trying to figure out what to do with your life since the European football season is done for a few months?

Here are a few ideas

1. Write a poem about your favourite team

2. Randomly sing about your favourite players

3. Go and watch a play and at the end of the play stand up and celebrate as if your favourite player scored the all-important goal at the end of the game and you just won the Champions League.

4. Repeat number 3 when the till operator at Spar gives you change instead of a credit note.

5. Every time an argument goes pear-shaped with your missus, reference your favourite player

6. When someone does something wrong, randomly blow a whistle and offer a stern warning

7. If you do something awesome switch on the camera on your phone and swear into it.

8. If you get involved in a  fight, dive. Then act as if you have been sliced in half. Of course the dude giving it to you (NO HOMO), could just keep kicking you.

9.  If he doenst keep beating you up stand up, go to a police office or security guard and start crying and then dive again.

10. If that doesnt work write a 1,536-page dossier claiming a conspiracy and implicate everyone from the president of Fiji to a flea in Peru.

11. If all else fails then just go and watch Chicken Inn playing in the Zimbabwe Premier Soccer League

If you have any ideas that might be of use, you can leave them in the comments section below.

It’s going to be a long winter.

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