Passports And Lovers: Case of The Long Lost Lover

A friend of mine recently met his long lost girlfriend on facebook, and so they have been dating online for the past two years. They have not met each other yet since their high school days a good 10 or so years ago because well their live just took separate paths. After all, it was just high school but with a serious shortage of good partners from home in the Diaspora both of them have revised their position on dating long distance and are both talking marriage…

The girl swears that she still looks hot as she did in high school although all the pictures she sends are at least 5 years old my friend is madly in love and simply cannot see this rather minor but key fact. Now his girl’s passport got lost in the British home office and the boyfriend is a broke student in America who has filed for economic hardship and therefore cannot travel.

The other day I heard my friend discussing how best he could get himself to England at least. If the girl’s asylum is granted he will also gain easy passage to be a British citizen and get all those lovely benefits like free health care , and pension that he will never get in America. The two spoke at length and the girl hinted that it would be easier if they had a baby born in England that was the surest way of ensuring their indefinite stay but the sticky point was how the girl was going to be pregnant…

I stood there and listened not wanting to burst their bubble by asking what if one day the world is run under the new world order system of one government and therefore making the issue of being a citizen of one country or the other insignificant in the grand scheme of things… anyway I interjected their phone conversation by saying
“how about FEDEX “
“Fedex” my friend asked
“Yes FedEx” I replied
“Like mail your seed”
“Seed “
“Yes your sperm”
“Mail it to her”
“But she’s a virgin”
“She is?”
“Well then, she can be a pregnant virgin…..” even as I said that it did not sound right so I just walked away.

  • Conant

    Lol! You guys are genius! I ran across your blog while perusing another which I participate in avidly, the, and I’ve been laughing since. Having resided in South Africa for two years now and seen the difference in standards s of journalism, I’m well able to appreciate your work here because frankly, other than Muckraker , Darlington Majonga and Enock Muchinjo you don’t get to hear that precise English in Zim nowadays.
    I just wish you would also use proper decorum like capitalized start of sentence and heading as well. While that cannot take away the substance of what you write, this could help readers take you a little more seriously, which you fully deserve.
    Take a bow.
    Conant Masocha,
    Benoni, South Africa.