Of The Independent Zimbabwean Woman and Love
One of Zimbabwe’s most recent Big Brother contestants Vimbai Mutinhiri appeared in an interview where she said that she was finding it hard to find love because men were intimidated by her, and I suppose her profile.
This is something that will be echoed by the thousands of empowered women across the country who can’t seem to get the thing that comes so naturally to lesser mortals – love.
One would say that this makes sense because the traditional African male is not pre-disposed to dealing with a challenging woman. It could however be argued as well that there are a lot of men who are lot more empowered now and more aware of gender issues that will fancy an independent woman. They are willing to chase her and then win her over. The thing, I guess is that when you do get her she has all the frailties and strengths and fallacies and idiosyncrasies of the average woman which makes you wonder if the hustle was worth it.
Which brings us to the next problem. The mack. The problem with a lot of men nowadays is that they talk to a woman the way a woman talks to them. One of the things a woman indulges a man is what he does for a living. So he will speak for hours about what he does and she will encourage him.
So what mafesi do is that they simply transfer that tactic to dealing with an empowered woman. If she is empowered then he wants to ask her about her being empowered. He imagines that is all she is interested in. Little does he know, that she simply want to ‘go for coffee’ and be treated like a girl. So when he tries to engage her ‘on that level’ she is bored. Why that is, one can speculate but that is the reality.
Personally I think everyone needs to calm down. It’s not rocket science. At the end of the day, we are all very ordinary and frail people so there is nothing particularly special about us. For the men, sit down, breathe and talk to her. I know it is a different challenge but at the end of the day, she is a girl who would like a boy to spend time with. Man up!
For the women, stop expecting so much from a guy. The higher the expectation the greater the disappointment. The alpha-male is a creation of literature and love does not come boxed the way you want it to.
And for the both of you… it’s a lonely world out there.