Tips for Married Women Who Cheat to Not Get Caught

So anyway, after our article on married men who want to do the horizontal hula with someone that they are not married to, some women asked what advice we had for women.

Just so we don’t get the prudes hunting us down, we must stress that we do not advise anyone to cheat. It is a dark underworld and all sorts of nasty things happen in dark underworlds where the world is dark and under.

Now that we get to the fun and sleazy part.

Once you have ascertained why you are cheating you have to decide on the right partner. Don’t get a lullaby singing boy with dreamy eyes when all you want is bootie calls and vice-versa.  Getting that wrong defeats the purpose. I know, the reason most of  you are cheating or want to cheat has nothing to do with the lover but more to do with the act of cheating. It is the rush. It is the sinning. It is the fact that you are doing some illegal stuff. So the partner is a consequence of the reason for cheating.

That obvious one is do not choose a man who is immature or arrogant. He is going to go around bragging and the minute he talks someone else will talk and Harare is a tiny place. It will get to someone who will provide a nasty reaction and you don’t want that. You want someone who has as much to lose as you do. Ideally another married person would be the business. Unless of course he is immature and arrogant as well.

And as for someone your husband might know, that is an absolute no-no. Avoid all advances – and there will be many of those – from men who are friends with your husband.

Now, when you have snagged the poor bugger, cover your tracks. Don’t take him to places where you are likely to be seen, especially places where your husband frequents. In fact if you can avoid being seen in public with him, the better. Don’t go overboard though, if people know that you are acquainted. Ignoring each other a bit much can raise as much suspicion as you canoodling in some dark corner of Red Fox or Lime Bar.

Adding to that, always be paranoid. Be a stickler for detail. Make sure that your story checks out all the time. If you arrange for a date, make sure that your husband knows and that you have a very strong alibi.

Discretion is the most important tool. Otherwise if you were planning to leave your husband you wouldn’t be doing an R Kelly and keeping it on the down-low.

And don’t get too confident. A lot of women end up being caught because they take a lot for granted and so they become a bit too reckless.

Do not call your lover from your home phone. I cannot stress this enough. Call him from the office. And if you are going to call him from your mobile phone, do not save his number. Commit it to memory and delete it from your call records. If you can, make sure you switch off your phone at night. If you can’t, tell your other lover he absolutely is not allowed to call you after hours.

If you are going to use email, create a separate account. Gmail, Yahoo and whole lot of other services are free. Make sure they are not your friends on Facebook and there must be absolutely no communication on the social network. Unless you create a separate account where you have a separate life. Which is a bit a twisted if you ask me. But if you have gone so far, who am I to judge?

You can’t afford to take the risk.

The most important of the lot  is to make sure that you don’t change. You make sure that your husband still gets what he needs. Most women who cheat end up acting cold and indifferent to their husbands. If you stop giving him attention then your marriage is going disappearing down the sewer and not even Morton Jaffray can clean it.

These are some of the basics one should follow and others you will learn the fly. If you can get these right then you can be as sleazy as you like. If you get caught, we will read about you in H-Metro.

  • RealityCheck

    Women who cheat are really good at hiding it more than men.

  • Sara

    Never use condoms. One of the most common ways to get caught cheating is to use a condom. You have to buy the condom (which someone could see you), hide the condom before and after the use as well as dispose of it and the wrapper. Even if you think you are careful, there is often a trace left behind, plus some people are sensitive to the smell of latex and can detect that as well. If you are concerned about getting pregnant, use another form of birth control. Just NEVER use a condom when cheating.