Successful, Single and Lonely
They say money makes the world go round. Who could blame them? Take a look around. The lot with loads of paper seem to be the happiest around. Or are they?
Conversations with a few showed something different.
This weekend I was talking to a woman who for all intent and purpose seems to be one of the happiest around. Her diary is full of engagements and she works for a very successful company in a senior position. Many people will look at her and say she has the life.
She said one thing though. She is desperately lonely and she sees no way out of it. When her latest play thing that she has to settle for isn’t around she is at home alone watching one reality TV show or the other. She has no kids and shares her affection with her dog.
I ask her about friends and she tells me that her friends have either jumped on a plane and disappeared into the diaspora or are married with kids. None of them are as successful as she is but they seem happier than her.
She bounces between self-pity and calling the modern man cowardly for not being able to handle a successful woman.
The thing though is that she is not a special case. The Harare woman is getting lonelier and lonelier by the second. For many women it seems as if they have to be one or the other. It is as if it is part of some elaborate practical joke played by life. Give her everything but the one thing that she would like the most.
Helena Andrews, the author of Bitch Is the New Black says:
What I am trying to say about single black women in any urban environment is, you don’t know them as well as you think you do. They may not know themselves as well as they think they do..
A lot of black women put up an exterior that says: “Everything is together. ‘I’m fine. Perfect. Don’t worry about me. Keep it moving.’ That is the trend. Put on new stilettos. Put on a mask of bitchiness.” But that image — prevalent in both the media and the workplace, — is one-dimensional.
When people think about black women, they have only one adjective for us, which is ‘strong. The girl you see walking down the street looks like she has it all together.
Fact is that this brand of women has a list of check boxes, things that they must do. When these are done, happiness will come in a chariot of glory with Prince Charming and the little bundles of joy to boot.
It isnt that simple though. While they are busy ticking boxes, life moves on and before they are 30 and there is no Prince Charming. Often there is a frog who can’t put two sentences together without talking about what care he has or where he could take her on holiday. In fact every time he says something it is stupid. She kisses him, because she thinks that she has to settle. He doesnt change into Prince Charming, he remains a frog.
My friend, on the other hand, has decided that she will find someone with good genes, get pregnant and move on, without the sperm donor.
She sometimes wishes she had done things differently. She loves the life and upward mobility. But she needs a boo…