How To Have A Successful One-Night Stand

So you see her, and you want to have sex with her but you are not sure that you want her to meet your mother. You are not keen on spending life with her and you think it is a bad idea anyway. This could be on account of the fact that you don’t see her that way or that the wife might frown on the idea of you engaging in relationships outside hers. But then again, I am pretty sure that she will be mad at you for a one nigh stand still.

On the get-go, this must not be mixed up with our little guide to picking up a prostitute (which is a commercial one-night stand).

Let me tell you this, accidental one-night-stands are for the amateurs. If you want to get in the big league you need to have a plan. Of course the tactics can change as you move but you must have a set plan.

When you have settled on your target, remember that when you are talking to her, your interest is in ABCD – Always Be Closing the Deal. Your primary and only interest is getting laid. Everything you do must be firmly focused on how to get the one night stand. So if you have to buy her a drink or make her popcorn and it will get you laid, do that.

On the other hand, don’t go the other extreme and become a wuss, doing anything and everything she wants you to do. The wuss is an automatic turn-off and gets you shoved out of the way or respectfully moved towards the friend zone –  and not the type that comes with benefits.

Make sure that you have condoms. There is nothing that kills the mood like the absence of freakies. And it is safe.

Ideally you want to take it to her place. That way as soon as you are done you don’t have to sit there frowning thinking about how to kick her out gracefully.

Now there are instances in which you can’t go to her place (excited college girl just came back into the country, excited college girl about to leave the country, excited college girl – you know the type). Those ones unfortunately you may just be forced to take them to your place. Just make sure your place is clean. Girls are turned off by junk and she doesn’t love you so she doesn’t have to deal with your  mess.

But fear not, there is etiquette for everything.  Stay on first name basis.  Dont treat her like a prostitute. Be friendly and kind and courteous. Get home, maybe run a shower for her (jury still out on this one) and a shower for you. Bang her and then take her home right after.  Just tell her you have an early morning or something.  When you leave take many cuts and corners to try and confuse the hell out of her so she doesnt turn up at your doorstep unannounced with a chinese baby (but its yours!).  OK I’m kidding, but try and not let her see where you stay.

Here is an idea. Take her to a lodge and leave while she is still asleep, but be a gentleman enough to leave her cab fare.  not ET fare.  CAB FARE. And maybe a little bit more.

If you have to see her again, just pretend nothing happened. Don’t be awkward. In fact, you never had sex with her. Don’t try to do it again. If you do that, it won’t be a one-night stand.

The key in all this is keeping your mind on the prize. What you do after the deed is what will keep you getting laid – just not by her.

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