How to Be the Perfect Small House

For those who don’t know a small house is a mistress.

If you’re the sort to have a baby about the morality and so forth of the idea of the small house then stop reading now. If you’re cool with it or have a bit of that sense of humour then let’s go.

Now the idea of the small house has since caught fire and become almost an accessory to many a married man. In effect it seems as if some men feel that it is a silent part of the marriage contract.

My focus though, is on those ladies that some people may call heathen sisters or whatever the latest moniker for adulterous women may be. Some of you may have chosen to be one and for others it may have been an accident really. I am not about to judge. Do you.

Fact is, there are rules to the game that must be followed. And don’t ask the married guy because he doesnt really know. He knows he likes the sex and he constantly fools his conscience into making it about alternative companionship options. That is a whole lot of hogwash.

The rules are simple and easy to follow. Of course you may adapt them to fit whatever your circumstances but a few guidelines are essential to making sure that everyone is happy.

First and foremost you need to know what you’re in it for. Remember that he is MARRIED and you are the other woman. Don’t start kidding yourself into thinking there is a future here because there is none.

Secondly stay in the moment when you are with him. This is related to the first one but it is an important element in making sure that the relationship remains appropriate. Don’t start creating expectations outside this. You are together because of the sex and nothing else.

Next, have no inhibitions. Want to try anal?  This is the chance to do it. He can hardly judge you given that you are in a limping contract. Group sex? I am not sure that is a good idea because what happens if he finds a more skilled small house in that piece of adventure?

Also, always be in control. Contrary to popular opinion the perfect mistress does not meet him when he is free. She meets him when she is free. No matter how important he is, he has to chase you and work according to your time. And we all know men like to chase, right? And if done skilfully you can even make him think he is in control.

Having said that, don’t be clingy and demanding. That is his wife’s job. When he comes to you he is running away from that noise so don’t make him run off somewhere else. Unless you are using it as a ploy to break up with him, which would be pretty slick.

Do not berate the wife. In fact do not talk about her and if he brings her up, have no opinion. Listen, let him vent and move on.

Finally, know when to get out. If it isn’t working out, leave. It is after all recreation. There is no need to work on it. There are other people out there and the investment here is sex.

Get these basics right and you will indeed be the perfect small house. Just know that if you get caught, Zimbabwean wives get physical and I am not talking about the adventurous physical. There will be a beat down. Unless she just sues you.


  • Sure man, this might sound crazy but that’s the truth, To all yah aspiring or already shs’s try this and see if your life will be miserable. lmfao

  • faithkats

    As much as I believe this issue of “small houses” is rather distasteful. You are right, it is indeed an issue which we cannot avoid. I have seen so many people, even friends of mine suffer, as a result of mismatched expectations in such relationships. I think these are lessons all “small houses” should learn. Im just saying!

  • unabashed

    A couple of things: I disagree with point number 2, firstly the parties bring different things to the table. She brings her supposedly insatiable sexual appetite and him, his money. The trick is finding the right pricing model before one or the other is exhausted.

    I disagree with the last point too; this is not fun and games. I think everyone involved should focus on core business at hand(or otherwise). Him, obtaining maximum bang for his buck (pun intended) and her, I guess the buck. Deviating from these predefined roles would only cause unfulfilled expectations and disappointment.

    Overall some sage advice there for woman of somewhat negotiable virtue or purchasable morals. Many would be wise to heed it.

  • RueJay

    What is this country coming to? I say, It’s going to the dogs, now our prize winning bloggers are giving tips on how best to be immoral…

  • Tafadzwa

    ghena chete

  • mizz anna

    great read

  • patience mutasa


  • Boardhouse

    load of rubbish